I'm COLD!

I'm sitting here with the heater full blast and still freezing. Old man winter is being mean right now.
I dont really have any insightful things to say right now. I've been reading my "pulse" book that my small group at church is descussing and it is a lot to think about for someone like me that is searching for God's purpose. It talks a lot about "Worship" and what it really means to worship God. We all think that going to church, singing, praying, ect.. is worship and it really not. It a expression of worship but, not worhsip itself. So I am confused. I am serching for what this word and actions really mean. Alot of us want to know what it is that God can do for us. Thats not the way it should be of course. Its what we can do for him! I know this and I know that I do ask for Gods favor quite often. I am learning that I have to give more to him though and not consentrate on me and mine as much. This is hard to do. Its the way a mother, wife daughter is programmed. We all are programed to worhsip. Lots of us worship material things (house, car, designer clothes, shoes) we worship our kids, money, jobs. So, how do you balance these two? I know I go through everyday as a routine. Does your routine include worshiping God? Thats a big question that we get to busy to answer or think about. This class is really deep and takes a lot of my brain power-whew thats scarry-to comprehend. We all need to stop and smell the roses (that God created) a little more. Life is so hectic and routine that we can get lost in what we are doing and what we want other than whats the most important thing. God
Okay I am off my pulpit for now - heehee

Around in circles

Oh praise the LORD! Sunday was a great day. I had my whole family at church with me and some of my dearest friends and we all came out of there after the worship and sermon in great spirits. Its amazing how the Lord works his magic on and refreshes worn down souls! I loved that by me singing in the band and choir it has brought some of the most dearest people in my life to a place to worship God with me. To feel the way I feel and be touched like I have been touched is awewome. Some of my family and friends are saying to me, "Oh, this is what you've been talking about Steph, this is what God has been doing in your life!" My lil-sis even got emotional seeing me up on stage singing my heart out to the Lord and was speachless to see what he is doing to me and my life. Now thats some good "stuff"
I was reading some scriptures and it was talking about the Hebrews being freed from slavery by God and getting to travel to this Land of Glory. But, during this time they were beaten down so bad emotionaly that every thought and every action they had were of negativity. They complained and drowned theirselves in self pitty. The more problems they had the more they felt sorry for themselves and this made their journey VERY long. They traveled for 40 years in a circle before they made it to the promise land. This really hit home with me because I thought to myself as long as you have this neagtive outlook on life and expect the worst the longer you will live in this rut. As long as you feel like this life isn't fair or good to you the longer this life will be unfair and not so good to you. God will not put you in a higher place until you put yourself in a possitve frame of mind and beleive in the GOOD things that you deserve. God wants us to have good things and to be happy. He wants us to praise him and live to appreciate what we have and not what we dont have. Sure we are going to go through things that we dont understand, but we have got to move passed these things. Learn from them and know there is a reason. I just wish I would have known this a lot sooner in my life. I feel like the Hebrews that went in cirlces for 40yrs before getting it. Before turning all my stuff over to God. I guess thats why I
am where I am now. God is really working on me!
Payton's cheerleading squad won 1st place out of 5 teams in the district this weekend. We will go to Greenbrier for STATE this coming weekend. I'm so proud of her. Zack stayed with my BF and he and her son had a ball game(I missed:() And scored around 18 points! One of his best games. Oh I hated I missed it. Rylie has been good too-he even painted his fingernails RED (without anyone knowing on my bed)he did it without spilling a drop, see he has talent too!

Horiscope

Well my horriblescope said that I've been pretty emotional lately but, things are going to start getting a lot better. I do feel better today, so maybe those things can be right sometimes.
I went to my small group at church last night and then choir and prasie team practice afterwards. So, from 6 to 9 I was with people that praise and Worship God in many ways. This is a real pick me uppper. I come out of there thankful for what God has given me and what I have in my life. Instead of feeling sorry for myself because I am so overwhelmed with "stuff" I felt blessed. So, I understand more and more everyday why we need God in our lives. So many of us go through this life wondering what we are here for. Why we have to go throught this and that. Why is everyday the same ole same old. We are put here for a reason. God's only son died for us and we forget that so easily because we worry so much about ourselves. Without him in our lives things won't get better. We won't be able to handle our "stuff". I know that my life will never be perfect-no ones will. I expect my kids to be, I expect myself to be and I forget sometimes that we just need to be the best we can and thats all God asks of us. I need to work on this aspect of my life(along with lots of other ones as well) But, to let my daughter know she is a GREAT little women with a big heart and wonderful spirit. To let my sons know they are awesome and I love them to peaces sometimes instead of pointing out what they did wrong or fuss about leaving underwear in the floor are important. To let my mom and dad and sis know they are wonderful people that I love so much and are so proud of them. To let my husband know that he is appreciated. I am working on these things. But, it takes being around people that are spiritual and uplifting and God to bring this out in me. So, I'm so thankful for my new found faith to help guide me along on days that I feel like the world is on my shoulders.
*Note to myself-tell everyone I love that I love them more often!*
I love you guys!

Ready for SPRING!

As I sit her with my heater right up my rear I think even though we haven't had much of a winter here in Arkansas I'm already tired of it. We have been pretty lucky. But cold weather is depressing to me and My kids are sick with colds and sinus crap. My husband is still battling his sore throat (after a round of antibotics and a shot he's feeling a little better) My throat is sore and I'm thinking I may be getting sickly. So, can we fast forward this cold stuff and move right on in to Spring? Spring is my favorite time of the year. Its like a new begining. Coming out of a cold, dreary stage into a bright, warm and new stage of life. You see peoples spirits change with the weather and they start to come out of their cacoons. Flower start to grow and show signs of life. Kids get to go out and play-adults do too! Its just a great time for me. SO, am I wishing life away? yep yep I am! heehee
I am trying to stay calm and stress free this week. I am singing a solo part with the choir at church Sunday. I am also having to learn 5 more songs to sing with the Praise Team Band. I tend to get myself worked up over these kind of things and the people around me want to shoot me sometimes. I am such a worry wart over little things that I can't control-thats just one of my OCD's.lol Last time I sang I worked myself in such a tissy that my family was ready to move out-ha I'm trying to keep all this energy to myself this time. So, if I bust out into like the dazmania devil in church on Sunday-you'll know why. I'm sure I will be the talk of the town!ha They'll say well she's finally lost it. No, really I am excited just nervous.(Like I need anything else to give me more nerves)
Payton has a competition this weekend where my sister lives in Bentonville-so we are going to go cheer for her and do a little eating and shopping too-So, this weekend is a full one. Zack will be staying with my best friend and his son, he's excited about that because Shannon's house is one big boys play zone. Rylie rooter will be going to his daddy's game and hanging out with him this weekend with a little daddy and son time. So, I think this weekend will be a good one for us all-So, God about the Spring weather....Could you work on that one for me? THANKS

Emotions

I've been very emotional this passed week. Emotions that I want to put in Gods hands and he just take them away. I realize this won't happen and thats why they call them emotions. Because its something you feel and grow from. But, sometimes things in life can pull at your heart strings to the point you wonder, why am I going through this? I am just leaving it all to God to work through. He knows why. Part of my new christian attitude is to turn all negative things into possitive thinking. This is a challenge for me! Being brought up in a negative (or should I say "realistic")way of thinking, I struggle with this. I realized THESE ARE MY FEELINGS. So, I am talking and praying a lot to God here lately to help me understand some things. Its been real quite though. Maybe I'm not getting the message I want so, I havent heard what he's trying to say. Our sermon Sunday is how rich we are and don't know it. How having our kids, mothers, fathers, siblings in our lives make us rich. How having not to live in a shack with no running water or food makes us rich. We all take for granted what we have. I thought this would make me feel better to know. But, I caught myself asking why are there so many people in pain if we are so rich?
I see so many people around me going throught this same thing. I know there is something each and every one of us are going through. We are all emotional right now in some way. These are times that God intended for us to turn to him and maybe thats why we have to go through these things. I think he testest our faith with these things.
You know if it wasnt for the "stuff" I've been going through, that my family has been going through, that my friends has been going through I wouldn't be where I am at now spiritualy. So, maybe thats my answer and I didn't see it until just now! Light bulb moment-its all about him and how we choose to get through our "stuff"
I am rich! I have wonderful kids, family, friends and I just hope that these emtional times makes me a stronger and better person.

MY KIDDO'S

My kids will keep me busy once agian this weekend. Zack has a ballgame tonight and is excited because Aunt Lindsey, Uncle Terry and Addison will be there. Payton will be competeing next week with her cheerleading squad so there is practice this weekend. Rylie will...well, he keeps me busy without having a particular activity!ha
I hope that I dont come down with what everyone is getting. Seems like everyone I know is sick. Ryan has an appointment tonday to see if he has strep throat. He doesn't feel good and the kids at school have been passing that around. One of my sorority sisters is in the hospital with dehydration from being sick, my Best friends son is running fever sick. My other BF's little boy was sick last week. Man, this time of year is hard on the body.
I hope to by pass all this stuff -
Have a great weekend everyone!
God bless you all

Change

There are so many changes going on in my life right now. It takes me out of my comfort zone and this scares me. But, I ask myself how else do we challenge ourselves and learn new things if we are not open for change?

My job is changing. (I am takeing on new resposbilities and changing the dinasour ways I've been doing my paper work for years)
My attitide on life is changing(Thanks to God)
My priorities are changing...Lots of change and I feel like all of these things are for the betterment(is that a word?ha) of myself and my life. But, taking this new path is like putting a blind fold on and trying to drive down a one way street. So I put all my uncertainties in prayer and just hope God tells me which way to go.
I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken for he is right beside me - palsm 16:8
Okay so... today I got an e-mail from the worshipleader that if I can reach the vocal range for this song the choir is singing next sunday, I could sing the solo part. I was soooo excited without hesitation I told him sure-I'd be honored. After downloadiong the song-I listened to it and thought wow-the vocal range is very high and powerful. Would I really be able to hit these notes? Have I just jumped into something that is over my head? Then I realized I didn't have the lyrics of the song..maybe this was a sign I didnt need to do this.....So deep in thought about what I'd just put myself into I went to pick up Rylie from school. I saw a girl in the choir picking up her daughter and I simply mentioned this to her that I didn't get the lyrics because I was at the First Base class when they last practiced last sunday and she said I may have them. Oh, I have them in the car. So she handed them to me and I thought God is trying to tell me something.
Its not that hes telling me you go girl you are awesome SING. I think he is telling me to get out of my comfort zone...change is good. Its not about ME SINGING SOLO whatch me go, its about God! Its about praising him and worship and getting out of the comfort zone and embrassing that my life is changing!
So I'm going to do my best. God is putting me in these "new" things for a reason that is all part of his plan for me.

The American dream

Well, for those American Idol fans - what did you think last night? I laughed so hard! You know trying to be a good person and know that everyone is different but still were all Gods children, I try and not Judge others. It one of the things I am praying to God to help me change. That is not my job to do and I too am not perfect. Instead of seeing someone at a resturant and they are obese and saying to myself "well, what do they expect when they just went back for the 5th time at the buffet. Instead I try to change my thoughts and tell pray that whatever it is in their life that make them turn to food please help them. Or if I see a mother that puts herself before her kids and she is dressed to the hilt and been out partying all night and their kids dont even have winter shoes, coats and pretty much fend for themselves. I try to say, God give that mother strength to find what it is she is looking for so she can be a better mom. But, man is that hard to do when you see people that just "DON"T GET IT!" The best thing was I spent the night with my two best friends (Kim and Shannon) and our kids and we ate Kim's famous meat ball(garlic balls) and had a wonderful time being together. (I dont think these people I am in the meeting with is as happy with Kim's meat balls as I was!) But, I just drove home afterwards and had this warm and wonderful feeling knowing that God put us together for a reason. We've been friends for 27 yrs and I love them so much. My kids love them, I love their kids-its just an awesome feeling!
Okay so back to my point with A.I. we all have dreams and if you don't have dreams then what do you have? But, I guess some are just delusional with theirs. Either that or they are just tone deaf. I love to sing, but I know I am not no Celine Dion even though I love singing along with her in the car. So, how can these people not hear themselves when they CANT sing. i hear myself when I am out of my vocal range. Then to be devestated because they just KNEW they were the next American Idol-oh it was too much. So, please forgive me lord for my thoughts last night!
I should be working right now - I've been in meetings all day for the past two days and here I have break and need to be working on what I am behind on in my office here-but, I just had to reflect on some "stuff" first. lol:) So, I am getting back to what it is I get paid to do before the farrr me!

Weekend is over

It was brought to my attention that I may be "sharing" a little more than I should about myself on this here blogging stuff. Well, I did get a little carried away on my first blog I agree, but I don't know how else to describe my new found faith and adittude. I figure anyone reading this is family and close friends (all I've given my blog to) and these are the people in my life that I love and trust and want to share my most deepest thoughts with. But, yes I will chill.... I havent gone crazy-I"M ALREADY THERE~heehee

Kids are out of school today and loving sleeping in. I really wished I could have shared that with them this morning. Ryan did have school - even thought the northwestern part of the state is one big ice burg. Guess we missed the ice part of the storm. Got plenty of rain though.
My B-day was great. Ryan, the kids and I went to church then mom and dad took us out to eat for lunch. Ryan and I had a class at church from 3 to 5. Then we did what we haven't done in a long time-we went out on a date! We went and watched the movie We Are Marshall. You have to see it. Let me just say, take some tissue its a tear jerker. But, an excellent movie.

Zacks got a game tonight, the little booger got a tooth knocked out the last game (It was loose already-lol) He plays hard and I LOVE watching him. This is what life is all about....I'm proud of my kids.

ITS FRIDAY!

Well, it sure was hard to get up this morning. I am running out of juice! I've been trying something new in the mornings getting up and first thoughts that I tell myself to think is "Its going to be a good day, thank you God" Its was challenging this morning though when myself wanted to answer back "yeah, it will be a wonderful day if I could just lay back down and snooze for an hour or so more.
I've been in the best spirits lately, for the most part me and the kids are working as a team. Without Ryan to help during the week I can get pretty bomb-barded. I guess since my attitude is better these days its helped my kids to have better ones as well. Isn't it amazing how things work? Rylie has been a different child lately. School has been bragging on how great he's been. At home he is working on being a good boy. Of course he has the energy of the enegizer bunny and that can wear this old girl down FAST! Zack has been trying to be nicer to his brother(we had a long talk about Zack setting an example by treating Rylie like he wants to be treated) Sometimes its hard for Zack cause Rylie still hasnt quite realized this yet. Payton and I seem to be communicating better these days too.
The old me would say-AWWW it'll all blow up and turn right back into the same cycle. BUT, no I am keeping up my possitive way of thinking!
Sunday is my B-day. Mom is trying so hard to get the family together and make it a speacial day for me. Its just so hard when we all have so much going on! Ballgames, meetings, church..... I am just happy that I have my family and we are all healthy and here! Besides b-days arent any fun anymore once you've hit that 30 point. Which I did 6 years ago! WOW

Aww...Love my sis and mommy!

Us girls gotta stick together! We are the backbone of our family.

Well my poor husband is about worn smooth out! Coaching and driving to Mountaingburg EVERYDAY is bad enough. Teaching kids all day at school, frustrated with his Sr. High team not winning games, and now battling a cold. Last night I had a new small group at church that stated I wanted to go to. (I was glad I did, it was awesome) I strugglesd with whether I needed to go though. A part of me wanted to stay home and give him some TLC. He really needed it and I felt guilty for going. I am in the bed when he leaves early in the mornings and in bed when he comes home late at night. So, we dont get to see each other much. Its a real strain on us but, we just tell ourselves its only during basketball season and pray. He understood, he knows how excited I've become with my desire to learn about God.

So, back to the gym for me-Payton has ball games tonight. Zack played Mond, Tues, and will play Friday and Sat. Ryan has ball games tonight, tomorrow, class on Sat.(all day) then game that night. Man, I hope we servive this week!ha Sunday will be busy too-After regular church we will be going to a 1st base class that will last all afternoon. I am pretty excited about that. This is the first step to becoming members. I just hope I can keep going without running out of gas!

I've been in pretty good spirits lately. With all the hustle and bustle sometimes it can be overwhelming. But, this new addittude with God is makeing a BIG difference in not only me but, my kids too! I've been singing this song "Anyway" by Martina McBride that is soooo beautiful and the words just really have an impact on me that I would love to share with others. Its a christian song and I would love to let my worship leader hear it. I could sing my heart out to the congergation on this one!

Gotta get to work, this blogging is fun-heeeeheeee

Her I go.....

Okay, I have never had a BLOG before. This is my first blogging attempt ever! I have friends and family that I've visited their blogs and can see what is going on in their lives and pictures and have always said...I'll do that one day. So, I guess today is that day.

God's really been working on ME and in my life. Lately, I have been lookin for answers and have done everything in my power to get these answers. Living and going through divorces, deaths, dissapointments, depression, anxiety, so many struggles that really about brought me to my breaking point mentally and emtionionally. I sarted looking in every way I knew how to try and understand why I was here and would I ever be happy in my life. I've looked for these answers in self help books, counseling, alcohol, antidepressants, shopping, exercise, food, lack of food, friends... Anything...I just wanted to be happy. Although I've ALWAYS beleived in God, I never really thought about turning to him for the answers. I mean I thought about it in terms of praying.."God, please keep me from going crazy and give me paitence and make my kids behave and make my husband uderstand me." But, to really give my problems and questions to God took me longer to do.

I started with reading some inspirational words from Joel Olsteens Live Your Best Life Now (there I go with the self help again!ha) to picking up the Bible. With lots of soul searching and a little Marriage counseling retreat my husband and I went on one weekend in August. I learned a lot about myself that weekend. I realized I needed to get real with myself and with God. I needed to find these answers and my kids, family and friends needed me to as well. The whole family needed to get back into church. Because of issues at my church, another dissapointment I didn't understand, of 15yrs I was lost and didn't know where to start. Thanks to a dear friend of ours inviting us to his church, My husband, the kids and I started going to this WONDERFUL CHRUCH. We became active in the church's small groups.(Wonderful experience) My daughter started going to youth group and church. (Oh this is where I started to realize what this life is all about!) I could go on and on with how this has affected my life! I know...this is just my first blog...and I am getting carried away.

Let me just say, Last Sunday I was on the Lords stage in church singing in the PRAISE BAND. Now if that isn't God leading me down a new Path - I dont' know what is!! Wow, what these passed 6 months have done for me. What this Church and God has done for me and my family is amazing. All this time the "answers" were right there all along.

Of course I do not have all my answers and never will. I know that only the Lord knows all. We are not ment to here on earth. I just know that I'm not alone anymore and that I have what I was looking for this whole time! Thats why I am here! I'm excited about my new journey and what else God has in store for me and my family. I still have a lot of work to do but, I am on the right path-I just know it.