Processing

Since I've gotten back from my trip to IWI I have been doing a lot of thinking and processing. I've been quite and subdued lately. My husband wants to know whats wrong with me??? Nothing,he or anyone has done to me. I just went through a experience at IWI that I can't explain to others and its made me do some soulful thinking. To be honest I can't pin point my thoughts, I spent a whole week with such positive people that has this expiring love for life and the Lord. We literally praised God all week long. We sang to music that spoke to me in a profound way. The fellowship was wonderful. I come home to "The real world" as my mom has pointed out and I think why does the Real World have to be so negative and depressing? It really just sucks the life out of you. People that just don't get it. I used to be one of those people. Where everything was about ME and what can this world do for me. How can I be Rich, Famous, Gorgeous, PERFECT. Why can't I be happy?? To find out its not about ME. Thats why I wasn't happy. The sooner people figure that out the better this life will be for us.
So much depression going on, people getting divorces, people just living life day to day, going through the motions and not knowing what for. Getting up the next day to do it all over again. I rememeber saying that I am on Auto pilot because I get up and go to work, come home, laundry, cook, take care of kids and husband go to bed and start over again the next day. It doesn't have to be that way!

A couple of good friends of mine are starting a "Healing" ministry for people that are recovering from something that has a strong hold on them. Whether it be alcohol, drugs, eating disorders, gambling, sex...what ever. I have been trying to figure out what my role in this or if at all I have one. I went to a meeting at church last night and listened to what a great thing this will be for our community. Its for anyone that needs a healing hand in life. I know I've struggles with depression and feeling worthless and not knowing why on earth I am here. So, I feel like my calling to this ministry would be for the lost souls due to depression and life struggles that get you down. I said before I feel God is talking to me about some sort of ministry and maybe this is it???
So, I guess the reason why I have been so quite and reflecting is because I am trying to listen to what God is trying to tell me. I am listening!
I love my family and I love my life-I am in love with the Lord and I am fine, I am just processing things and trying to hear what I need to hear-that's all!

What is our Purpose here?

Well, I am back from a week with my worship team at the International Worship Institute in Grapevine, TX. Let me tell you I have never experienced anything like I did this week. The first picture is of our "Girlfriend Group" from left to right, Laura Murray, Ashley Morgan, me, Lisa Eddington, Kathy Hickey (Our mentor) and Spring Minette. The other picture is of all who went which include our Worship Minister, Mark, Joel Chan and Tonya Peaden. (The pict. is blurry-it was taken with Mark's new IPhone)
The key word here is purpose. God has a purpose. The invitation for us is to press violently into it. If you want to find purpose, you first have to find God. Without God, there is no purpose.
I could type 400 pages on what I got from this convention. But, in a nut shell, I realized that as a worship leader I am the middle man for ministering to others the word of God. We aren't up there to sing and perform and worry about what others think about "OUR" performance. Nope, its not about us. Not about if we hit the right notes and played the right keys. Its to mean the hymnals and lyrics we sing and fill the place with His glory! Its about God!
I saw what it was like to worship God like no one else is around. Like only He and I are present.
Bob Sorge says, We will be completely uninhibited in our worship when we get to heaven—nothing will hold us back! So why should we not be that way down here, now? Uninhibited worship does not take any specific outward form, but it will allow us to be as completely transparent before the Lord as we will be in heaven.
Who's Bob Sorge? Well, I thought he was a Sound Tech. Because as people where filling into the nightly worhsip meeting he was on stage saying, "Testing one two" - over and over. It got to be comical because this went on for over 15 min. Then he left the stage and Shane and Shane(the Christian artist that performed that night- AWESOME) sang and then they introduced a Pastor named Bob Sorge that has many other names. Like Pastor, Author, Worship Minister, Song writer....And this guy gets up on stage. Yep the Sound Tech.
Long story short-15 years ago he had something (Cancer I think) removed from his larynx and the Dr. Botched his vocal cord and he now talks in a low whisper and it is painful for him to talk long periods of time. Pressing his lips to the mic and speaking in a low whisper talked louder to me than I have ever heard!
That man gave a testimony that brought everyone in there to there knees in tears. It was so powerful I could only weep. I just can't explain the impact he had on people and the way the Holy Spirit filled that room of over 2,000 people that night.
Like I said I could go on for days...we had several GREAT speakers. We Sang in the Mass Choir one night for Tommy Walker and Friday night for Martha Munizzi The other pict.is us on stage, during a sound check, looking out at the room that would be filled with thousands of people. The woman in the long hair is Martha, a winner of Soul Train award, Dove's woman award, Christan female of the year, Blahh blahh...she is amazing. The other women (the black lady facing us) is our Choir Director Valerie. She was amazing.
I have so much more to talk about but I will end for now with these words of wisdom either quoted by our speakers or psalms.
Worship is the key to experiencing His presence, to knowing the indescribable joy of our salvation, and to reflecting His glory. Isaiah 56:7

he Creator of the Universe, the One who designed us in the first place, has planned something far greater for those who seek Him with all their hearts. He tells us that only in His presence is true happiness; only in His presence is complete fulfillment; and only in His presence is fullness of joy. (And, we don't have to wait until we get to heaven in order to taste this.) By learning to worship Him in the Spirit - not just on Sundays in church, but privately at home - every day, we will be able to experience the fulfillment and the joy that the world and everyone in it is so desperately searching for, but very few seem to have found.
Truly, private worship is the key to joy and happiness!

I love my family!

I sure am going to miss these sweeties! I leave Sunday for a week and I am excited but, I will miss my family. I have posted my worship minister's blog to keep up with what we are doing during this next week. He will be posting pictures and things on it to keep up with what we are doing if anyone wants to check it out. http://me-log.blogspot.com/

So, blog buddies-have a great 4th of July and I love you all.

No matter what happens each day the sun still sets

Its been a while since I've blogged and I have a lot to blog about.
First I just want to brag Little on my Kids!
Payton is off to Europe where she will be going with her Meme (her dad's mom) to Spain and then to London. She will be gone for 2-1/2 weeks and I am going to miss her so much. But, its such a wonderful experience for her. She went a couple years ago to Ireland with Meme as well. Very lucky Girl. She is my angel. I really see her making a difference in this world. She has the heart of gold and very open and accepting of others. She just amazes me everyday.
Rylie is becoming such a little man. He is out of Day care this summer and he and Daddy are spending some quality time together. He will start the Mothers Day Out program at our church this fall. The only thing is its only three days a week and Thur. and Fri. I will have to find someone to keep him. So, I am praying it all works out. He has been so loving and sweet lately.
Zack, I haven't spent a lot of time with him lately. During the summer he pretty much lives out at his Dad's parents house. There is so much for him to do out there that he stays to busy for his ole mom. We played in the final baseball game last night to see who would get first place in the league. WOW what a game. We were down 5 to 1 and came back to tie them 6 to 6. We had to play a extra ending in overtime and we had used our two pictures so, Ryan put Zack on the mound(he's been working with him on pitching) and boy was I nervous! He strikes the first two players out and grounded a ball and threw the other one out at 1st. 3 Up 3 Down!
Then it was our turn to bat and we had bases loaded with 2 outs. Guess who's up to bat?? ZACK - so what does he do? He knocks the fire out of it and hits a grand slam home run to win the game! Man am I a proud momma or what!

So, enough bragging-I am now getting ready to leave next weekend for my week long trip with my fellow Praise Team/Band leaders. We are going to Texas and will be experiencing wonderful things like, singing with Martha Munizzi in a Mass choir. We will be praising and learning great things to bring back for leading FBC congregation. And spiritualy growing. This is my first time and they say its a life changing experience. OH did I mention 5 of us (Adults that are big kids at heart) will be going to Six Flags with no kids!
The thing is we were sadden to learn the Man (Pastor, teacher, christian musician/song writer, author, leader of God's Kingdom) that has been with International Worship Institute for 21yrs is stepping down as the Lead minister due to some immoral transgressions in his life. Talk about disappointing! We have even had small group classes on one of his teachings and have heard him preach the word of the Lord.
The Bible talks about Great Kings like King David that were followers of Christ and how power and wealth (AND SATAN)turned him against God's ways. But, he eventually found his way back to God and stayed true to Him until his death.
So, after much praying and thought. A good friend of mind hit the nail right on the head when she said "We should not worship people only GOD!" Maybe this is a sign to remember, there is no other God than God Himself! We are human and we fail, fall and sin. That is why Jesus died for us.
So, I pray for LaMar Boschman and his family through this time in his life. I pray that God uses him in a way to teach us things and bring him closer to God.

Schools out for the summer

Man, has this year flown by or what. The kids are getting out of school and ready for summer break. Kids these days are not much different than the kids we used to be back in the day. But, things that these kids experience so much younger than we did are so scary. They are having sex earlier. They are doing drugs and drinking way earlier. Shooting up people at school. I don't know what this world is coming to.
Here in our little town of Hooterville we've had a scare from a boy we all know to be a very good kid. Has wonderful family and is very athletic and popular. Seems to be the All American boy. Well it seems these kids are taking a over the counter cough and cold medicine in LARGE quantities for a high thats been compared to PCP. They get this "Triple C" from the shelves at wal-mart and ingest anywhere from 5 to 30 pills at a time. Because it is a legal drug they think it won't be a big deal. Well, Ellis Jr. found out different when Monday morning, after he and some other boys had a night of popping pills, his dad goes into his room and finds him unresponsive and breathing very shallow. You see this drug he's been taking for the past couple of weeks pretty regularly has the ingredient Tylenol in it. You may know the prolonged use or extensive use of acetaminophen will damage your liver and kidneys. Thats what was happening to him his liver and kidneys were shutting down and also had some damage to his heart. He had also taken hydrocoedone and because his liver wasn't filtering like it should it had put him in a sleep his body couldn't wake him up. If he'd laid there any longer he wouldn't be here today. The other boys knew something wasn't right with him that night but, was scared to say anything because they had taken some too and was afraid of getting in trouble. He as taken to Childrens Hosp. but on dialyses and a breathing machine. After 3 days of not knowing if he'd even make it, I am so happy to say he is off all breathing and medical machines and is in a private room.
We have learned more than half the football and basketball boys were involved in the same thing and even getting prescription drugs such as Oxycontin, zanix, and what ever else they can get there hands on.
The community is coming together to keep this from happening to there child. We all met last night and discussed what us parents need to do to be aware that this could happen to ANYONES child. And that it IS Happening.
I'm scared of what there is to come of this world and these children. There are so many peer pressures and things going on that we have no clue about. These kids are dealing with things that I never would have imagined.
This makes me want to keep my kids locked under my house and I know you cant do that. So, I just pray that God guides these kids to make better decisions and that these kids put God in there lives more.
I really don't know what else to say...

Schools out for the summer

God is Good!

I want to just share what putting God in your life can do for you. It has totally changed my life. Of course I always loved God and prayed (mainly when "I" need something) but, it wasnt till last summer that I starting living and learning the "Word" of God and man, has my life changed.
I want to list a few things that has happen since this day of MY Revelation.


1. Starting using what I love (God and Singing)and leading worship through music!
2. Meeting new people that I truly Cherish and love. These relationships have brought new meaning to my life. (you know who you are-one reads my blogs:) )
3. Got My best friend a job here at Tar-n-Tube and get to see her everyday.
4. Gotten my kids into church and they love it. Get to do lots of neet things too.
5. Sister got a promotion at work.
6. Ryan got the Clarksville Girls basketball job so he can be home more and this will help in so many ways. Especially with our relationship-which has gotten stronger the passed year.
7. Zack and Payton have both been successful in school with their grades and activities. (Payton has become the little actress and she is going to do some modeling through a agency in Fayettville (out of 60 girls to audition she was in the top 15)
8. Zack has exceeded in his abilities to play sports (he's been my little allstar!)
9. Rylie has grown so much and become such a sweet little boy (he can still be a pill)But, he is such a joy.
10. Payton gets to go to Spain this summer!
11. My mother in law had cancer removed from her leg and they got it all!
12. I'm getting to go to International Worship Institute with my praise team worship leaders this summer (we are going to Six Flags too! whoohoo)
13. Made a decision to spend more time with my family and we've been having lots of fun doing that!
14. Sang a song at Church that meant a lot to me and blessed some to tears. So they say??
15. Lost 15 lbs and have become health contention and feel great!
16. Prayed for lots of people and have had great results. (still praying for some)
17. Been given more responsibilities at work and I can truly say - I love my job.
18. I feel something is going to inspire me that I may be able to minister to-just a great feeling????
19. I have help some people in my community that have needs through my small groups and just wanting to give instead of receiving.
20. Changed my out look on life which transformed me from an negative, hurt, angry person to a person full of love and laughter.

These are just "some" of the things I have experienced this year. The best thing I've done is become closer to God. Without Him non of these things would have happened or I wouldn't feel the love and peace in my heart that I do today.

GOD IS GOOD!
Have a wonderful Memoral Weekeand remember our soliders!