Processing

Since I've gotten back from my trip to IWI I have been doing a lot of thinking and processing. I've been quite and subdued lately. My husband wants to know whats wrong with me??? Nothing,he or anyone has done to me. I just went through a experience at IWI that I can't explain to others and its made me do some soulful thinking. To be honest I can't pin point my thoughts, I spent a whole week with such positive people that has this expiring love for life and the Lord. We literally praised God all week long. We sang to music that spoke to me in a profound way. The fellowship was wonderful. I come home to "The real world" as my mom has pointed out and I think why does the Real World have to be so negative and depressing? It really just sucks the life out of you. People that just don't get it. I used to be one of those people. Where everything was about ME and what can this world do for me. How can I be Rich, Famous, Gorgeous, PERFECT. Why can't I be happy?? To find out its not about ME. Thats why I wasn't happy. The sooner people figure that out the better this life will be for us.
So much depression going on, people getting divorces, people just living life day to day, going through the motions and not knowing what for. Getting up the next day to do it all over again. I rememeber saying that I am on Auto pilot because I get up and go to work, come home, laundry, cook, take care of kids and husband go to bed and start over again the next day. It doesn't have to be that way!

A couple of good friends of mine are starting a "Healing" ministry for people that are recovering from something that has a strong hold on them. Whether it be alcohol, drugs, eating disorders, gambling, sex...what ever. I have been trying to figure out what my role in this or if at all I have one. I went to a meeting at church last night and listened to what a great thing this will be for our community. Its for anyone that needs a healing hand in life. I know I've struggles with depression and feeling worthless and not knowing why on earth I am here. So, I feel like my calling to this ministry would be for the lost souls due to depression and life struggles that get you down. I said before I feel God is talking to me about some sort of ministry and maybe this is it???
So, I guess the reason why I have been so quite and reflecting is because I am trying to listen to what God is trying to tell me. I am listening!
I love my family and I love my life-I am in love with the Lord and I am fine, I am just processing things and trying to hear what I need to hear-that's all!